Baby is dying

I can't die. Not anymore. I used to ... I used to die a lot ... it seems so long ago though. I suppose I should be glad ... dying is a bad thing, right? You're not supposed to want to die. Well I don't really know if I want to. It's just that it's weird I haven't died for such a long time. And I had some things that should have made me die. Not too many, ok ... but still. Much more insignificant things used to make me die. I guess I kinda miss it ... in a way ... I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't read so much in to it. Fuck it ... I'll die some day ... and I'm not really looking forward to it. Not because of the dying itself but rather because of the reason that will make me die. And it will have to be a fucking good reason by the looks of it. Why the fuck am I writing this anyway ...

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I wish I was dead but I don't think I wanna die anymore. I haven't since I wrote the above, anyway. I'm just saying. I don't care if I die. I rather I didn't. I'm not gonna die, they are. For fucks sake.They're gonna die ... motherfuckers. That's what they all deserve. God there really are all the same.
Fucking human reactions. They're so primitive yet so powerfull. I shouldn't care yet I do. They don't deserve shit. And still I suffer. I'm totaly retarded. I can't explain it otherwise. My brain is just fucked up. Why the fuck do I stress about the most unimportant crap. (Not that there is anything worth caring about. There are degrees.) Cuz I'm retarded that why. I shouldn't care ... about anything ... anyone. Fuck them all ...
Yeah ... I wish I was dead. Hmmm. Maybe ... maybe I should die though. To remember what it feels like. But I can't ... Yeah ... guess I'm just fucked up ... for life ... if you can call it that.